Sexcapades
by red-rose-priestess
Summary: Funny drabblelike stories of the Sohma's sex lives. Meant to be funny people. Don't take things seriously. Series of oneshots, many different pairings.
1. Shigure and Kyo

**Nighttime Shadows - **

**By red-rose-priestess**

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Shigure sits in his study, glasses perched upon his nose precariously.

The dog had had a rough day, and now all he could do was relive the worst of it.

Kyo had ran into him earlier, and then had the nerve to accuse the dog of coping a feel. Shigure hadn't really meant to touch Kyo, but he wasn't sorry he had. Just now, the mere thought of the cat made the dog hard.

He sighs, then stands to get himself some tea. Upon reaching the kitchen, he finds Kyo drinking milk from the carton.

The dog gets a devilish idea, and sneaks up behind Kyo. He wraps his arms around the cat' waist sensually. Kyo spits out his milk, and shouts, "What the hell are you doing?"

Shigure nuzzles Kyo's neck and says, "I need attention kitty, and you feel nice."

Kyo roughly pushes Shigure off of himself. "God you retarded. I'm not a fucking faggot." Kyo stalks out of the kitchen quickly. Shigure was left by himself, aroused.

He sighs, and makes the tea he had originally came in the kitchen for.

Once back in his study, the writer begins a story about an older male in love with his younger cousin. True it was cliché, but the poor tortured dog needed some solace.

Not until he hears a noise outside, does he stop the flow of words. His back was facing the door, when he hears it open.

Before he can turn around, the lights go out and everything becomes pitch black. Thinking perhaps Ayame had decided to pay a late night visit, Shigure merely sits on the sofa waiting for his visitor. He feels a person approaching him, and tenses. This person didn't smell like Ayame.

Shigure's dog like sense recognize the smell, but aren't able to place who it is.

"Don't say anything." A husky familiar voice says. The mysterious person crawls on top of a sitting Shigure and pushes him on his back. The dog growls slightly at the foreign intrusion.

"Who are you?" He asks disobeying the previous command. "You don't know?" The shadow asks. "It's me fuck puppy. It's your sex kitty." Shigure gasps as the mysterious person touches his manhood through his yakama. "Kyo?" He asks.

"That's right mutt. Get ready to be ridden by the cat."

Yuki in is room down the hall, is awoken minutes later by a loud scream of pleasure from Shigure.

"Damn dog and my brother." He says as he pulls the pillow over his head.

Little does he know…..

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_More drabbles to come. _


	2. Hatori and Kyo

**Should We?**

_**By red-rose-priestess**_

Kyo was lounging on the porch, when he hears a car pull into the driveway. Assuming, it was only Hatori the cat doesn't care to move.

When the car stops, Hatori does indeed stop out from the car.

"Hello Kyo." He says smoothly. "Are the others here?"

Kyo doesn't even open his eyes as he replies, "Nope, everyone has gone someplace. Kami only knows."

The cat doesn't see the small smile that graces the dragon's lips.

"Can we go inside and talk for a moment?" The doctor asks.

Kyo gets up without word. He doesn't particularly care what the doctor wants, but for some reason the cat felt passive today.

"I know it's odd, but since the flu has been going around, Akito wants all the family to have examinations." Hatori says.

Kyo scoffs. "Well he doesn't care about me, so I'm off the hook."

Hatori shakes his head. "Sorry Kyo, you too. Since your here now, I'll do you first."

Kyo's mouth drops open. "What the hell? Why?" He asks.

Hatori looks uncomfortable. "Let's go in the living room."

"Strip down to your underwear." Hatori says unpacking his bag.

"I don't want to strip!" Kyo says angrily.

Hatori closes the distance between him and Kyo, and pins the cat to the wall.

Kyo gasps. "What the hell are you doing Hatori?" He asks.

"I told you to strip, and you didn't listen. Do you think it's smart to disobey your doctor?" Hatori's face comes extremely close to Kyo's, and he could feel the doctor's breath on his face. "Now I have to do it myself."

Hatori brings his mouth to Kyo's neck, and begins to kiss and suck it gently. Kyo moans involuntarily.

"Mmmm, your a bad kitty Kyo. I do believe you're enjoying this." The doctor says before kissing Kyo's slightly parted lips.

Kyo sighs and tries to pull away for air. "What are you doing? We're……ah….both….guys." Kyo manages as Hatori begins to grind his hips with Kyo's.

"Don't think, just go with it. Let your body take control." Hatori says panting.

He slips Kyo's tee-shirt up over his head, which seems to snap the cat back to reality.

He pushes Hatori's jacket off his shoulders and begins to unbutton the dragon's shirt.

Moments later they find themselves naked and very aroused. Still stealing kisses, Hatori picks Kyo up and pushes him against the wall. Taking the hint, Kyo wraps his legs around the dragon's waist.

_(A/N May I point out, that our sexy Hatori, has ONLY the stethoscope on ladiesan gents?. Rawr!!) _

Hatori pull out a small bottle of lube, causing Kyo's eyes to grow wide, realizing what it was coming._ (i.e., him hopefully, neh?)_

"Oh God Hatori, I never would have—" The cat starts and is hushed by Hatori's lips. The dragon continues to grind and kiss Kyo with intense unbridled passion. The cat almost wondered how long the doctor had wanted to do this.

The dragon kiss and nips down Kyo's neck and sucks slightly on his shoulder.

Kyo glances up only to see Shigure, Yuki, and Tohru standing in the doorway, shocked.

"Holy shit!" Kyo exclaims, unwrapping his legs from his partner, reaching for the nearest article of clothing. Hatori spins around and nearly shouts. Yuki, whose mouth hung open uses a hand to cover Tohru's eyes.

Shigure smirks. "Having an examination I see. Well try to inform me next time Haa-San. If we had known, we wouldn't have brought Tohru home with us."

_Ah, so how did you like that? Remember this story and the last one really don't have anything to do with each other. I mean unless we're all thinking Kyo's a man whore. M-A-N-S-E-X. roflmfao. I love all of you wonderful readers. Hopefully this made you laugh. Review and let me know what you want the next pairing to be. It's either Yuki/Kyo or Yuki/Kyo/Shigure. Let me know, cause I have stories for both. _


	3. Kyo, Shigure, and Yuki

**Coming?**

**By red-rose-priestess**

"Okay time to see what that gorgeous cat is up to now." Yuki says sitting down at his computer.

He clicks on the webcam and the feed from Kyo's room pops up on the screen.

Lying on his bed was Kyo, but he wasn't alone. The cat was currently screwing Shigure senseless. Yuki jumps up and stares in horror at the screen. Moaning comes through the speakers as Kyo thrusts deeply into Shigure, who comes with a scream. Kyo throws his head back and spills his seed into the panting dog's willing body.

The cat pulls out of Shigure and walks toward the webcam.

"Do you want to join us Yuki? I hope you enjoyed the show, but I think you owe me for spying all this time. Honestly did you think I was so stupid, as to not realize you had rigged my cam? You horny little bastard. Well are you coming or not?"

The cat begins to stroke his limp manhood back to life. Shigure walks suggestively from the bed and wraps his arms around Kyo from behind. He places his hands over Kyo's and begins to assist him. The cat moans throatily.

"Well are you coming?" Kyo says huskily. The sexual innuendo evident.

Yuki nearly kills him self tripping on a chair to reach the door.

Boy WAS he.

* * *

_Okay, so next will be two little ficcies with Yuki and Kyo. That should wrap this story up pretty much. I'll tell you the titles so you can ponder them. All of these were written last year, so my writing wasn't very good. Okay so the last two are, Invitation and Fun With Balloons. Keep a look out okay? Review please._


	4. Yuki and Kyo

**Invitation**

_**by red-rose-priestess**_

He did it again today. I doubt he realizes, but he's in control. I Yuki, sit here in my room and watch him in the yard doing his usual workout. Everyday he does the same thing. He makes me lust after him more and more. Lust after my cousin, Kyo. I know it's wrong on so many levels, but I can't help how I feel.

Yuki wanted to release his feelings but he could never tell Kyo.

When the rat sees Kyo retreat to the house to take his morning shower, Yuki walks out of his room into the hall. There he stood and waited. He wasn't sure what he was going to do when Kyo came up the stairs, but he did know he had to say something.

When the cat steps on the landing, all Yuki could do was stare at his crush.

Kyo's hair was dishelved and sweat dripped down his brow and neck. He glares at Yuki. "What's your problem you kuso nezumi?" He spat. Yuki starts from his stupor. "Nothing." The rat replies a little to animated. Kyo makes his usual face of disgust before walking to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Yuki paces outside the door. He wanted to do something, but he wasn't sure what.

Finally he hears the water running.

Without thinking, and feeling completely controlled by an other being, Yuki opens the bathroom door and slips in.

The rat begins to strip before he evens closes the door.

"Who's there?" Comes Kyo's curious voice. Yuki doesn't answer nor does he think about what he does next.

Pulling the curtain back he slides into the shower alongside Kyo.

The cat stood, naked and shocked. Water cascading down him in rivulets.

"W-what are you doing?" Kyo asks looking Yuki up and down. The rat continues his silence and pushes Kyo up against the shower wall. The cat begins to protest, and Yuki silences him with his lips.

After pulling away from the kiss, Yuki looks straight into Kyo's eyes.

"I've wanted this far too long. I'm going to take what I want." His hand trails down Kyo's flat stomach to his manhood.

- - - - - - -

Shigure passes the bathroom and hears panting and moaning from within.

"Damn them for not inviting me." He says stomping away.

* * *

_Okay, so there's that. It doesn't REALLY go with any of the others. Truthfully none of these were suppose to go together. They were all one shots. Just random one shots. So for them to all fit together, is quite a shock to me. But it works right? Okay, there's only one more to go. Unless, I decide to add more when I get new ideas. Hmmm….so put this on alerts so you can know if I do at some point. Review please!_


	5. Kyo and Yuki

**Fun With Balloons**

_**by red-rose-priestess**_

Yuki, Kyo, Shigure, and Tohru all sat at the table one Friday night.

They had just begun eating dinner, when Tohru says, "Yuki-Kun, a package came for you today. I apologize, but I was just too curious to find out what it was. It's from a company called, Fun Interactions. As I said, I'm terribly sorry, but I opened it. It was a bunch of tiny foil wrapped balloons. I enjoyed blowing a couple up. I know I was entirely out of line. Please forgive me."

The girl says this all in a bit of a rush. Yuki, all the while looked white as paper and begins to gasp for air.

"You did WHAT?" He asks in horror.

"I'm sorry Yuki-Kun. Please don't be mad at me?" Tohru asks, tears in her eyes.

Yuki manages to pull himself together somewhat. "It's…it's okay Honda-San. Just please don't do it again."

The girl nods, and picks up the dishes of remaining food. She gives a sniff before saying, "I'm going to put the food away. I really am sorry Yuki-Kun."

Shigure and Kyo give Yuki a calculating look, and the dog pounces first.

"Naughty kitten. What are you doing mail ordering condoms?" He asks giving the rat a wink.

"Shut up you stupid dog. Go write some perverted story about it, just leave us alone." Kyo shouts.

Shigure smirks and nods. "Yeah yeah, just don't break my house you two."

After the dogs leaves, Kyo scoots closer to the rat. He sits so their hips were touching and wraps his arm around Yuki's waist.

Placing his lips on Yuki's ear, he whispers, "Did you get the ones with ridges? You know how much we enjoy those."

Yuki moans and nods.

"Then let's go have some fun with the tiny balloons uh?"

* * *

_Okay, that's the last one for a while. I shall write more crazy fucked up one shots at some point. I can promise you. Review please._


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